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This is me...
Hometown: Caloocan, Philippines,
School: University of the Philippines, I'm taking BS Mathematics
Something that is unusual. Not the typical type. Weird. Funny. Moody.
I'm a good friend, I think. Well, most of the time I think differently, so saying that I'm a "good friend" means a different thing.
I blame others a lot. Then blame myself at night.
I don't like changes. It's freaking me out!
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- Still waiting… (116)
- Stars….:( (82)
- this might be the last… (75)
- Crying (68)
- just memories…. (53)
- I can wait forever (42)
- see you soon (42)
- Mad! just this time! (33)
- Kasalanan ko ba? (23)
- CHANGE (18)
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CHANGE
June 26, 2011
Blog title changed! From “Still waiting” to “My Life”
There’s nothing more to wait now. And it’s hard. And so I’m changing my blog title. From now on, it’s about my life, the people around me, the things I’m doing, the things I like.
I wanted to delete this page, cause it’s reminding me of the 6 months of waiting I did. How devastated I was while waiting for him. I want to get my life back. My life which is not always about him. This time, it will be about me. This time, it will be a lot different. It will not be about the saddest part of my life. It will be the brighter side of me.
I’m tired of crying over and over again. It’s not doing me any good anyway. And it’s time for me to wake up and go change my life to a better one.
————————————–
I’ll miss you. And I know you’re happy wherever you are. And I know you’ll be happy if I’ll go on with my life. I’ll never forget you. You’ll always have a space in my heart and you’ll always be a part of me. I love you and I always will.
Kasalanan ko ba?
June 25, 2011Hindi ko alam kung tama ba yung nararamdaman ko. 6 months akong naghintay. Akala ko magiging mahirap sa’kin tanggapin pag biglang dumating yung time time na bumalik sya at di niya ako maalala. Hindi pala. Kasi hindi na sya babalik.
Kasalanan ko ba?Kasalanan ko ba kaya bigla syang sumuko?
Gumawa ako ng kasalanan sa kanya. Nung 6th month ko nang naghihintay, bigla akong napagod at naghanap ng iba. Ilang araw pa lang yung lumilipas mula na magdisisyon akong hindi na maghintay, ibinalita bigla sa’kin na wala na sya. Dahil ba yung pinangakuan niya nag pagbabalik nya, wala na? Dahil ba sa’kin? Dahil ba sa’kin kaya hindi na sya lumaban? Kasalan ko ba kaya hindi na sya babalik? Kasalanan ko ba lahat?
Ngayon, wala na rin yung taong naging dahilan ko para huminto sa paghihintay. Hindi nya lang rin ako pinahalagahan. Mali ba yung naging desisyon ko? Mali ba yung pinili kong tao? Mali ba laht ng ginawa ko? O kaya ko lang lahat naiisip lahat ‘to, dahil iniwan ako ng dahilan ko sa pagtalikod ko sa kanya? Kaya ko lang ba naisip lahat ‘to dahil mag-isa lang ako ngayon?
see you soon
March 8, 2011“See you soon…”
the last words in the movie “Dear John”. It certainly reminds me of someone who asked me to wait for him. I thought the last blog I’ve posted will be the last, and I was wrong. He still sleeping. And I still keep on waiting. I told myself so many times that I’ll stop waiting. But here I am, hoping that one day, I’ll be surprised to see him in front of me. I got so much to do, maybe that’s why I didn’t notice myself waiting for him. I don’t remember him whenever I wake up in the morning, but at the end of the day, he’ll suddenly pop-up in my mind. It’s like, goodnights without good mornings. Atleast, I get to spend the whole day without missing him, and when the night comes, when the stars are shining, he’ll stay in my mind, until I fall aspleep.
Honestly, I wanna forget him. I don’t want to remember the fact that he exists, and that he’s sleeping. I wanna forget all the memories we had. I’m still hurting, and I still don’t know what to do. Every night I prayed that he’ll one day wake up. I don’t really care if he will remember me or not, all I care about is that he’ll wake up.
this might be the last…
February 3, 2011This might be the last time that I’ll post a blog about him. I’m not yet sure, but I intend to stop talking about him.
Sobrang lamig ngayon. Lalo na pag madaling araw. Kagabi, maya’t maya yata akong gumigising dahil sa lamig. Doble na nga yung kumot na gamit ko eh. Pero ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin yung lamig. Kahit ganito kalamig ngayon, ang ganda pa rin ng naging gising ko. Tanghali na kasi ako bumangon, ang sarap talaga matulog ng mahaba.
Nakita ko yung id nya sa ym, nakaonline, ang alam ko pinsan na nya ang nagoopen nun, pinsan nya na bestfriend nya. Nagtanong ako kung kamusta na si Red. Sabi nya, sabi daw nung doctor, hindi na sya gigising. Grabe, ang ganda ng gising ko, biglang ganun yung balita na narinig ko. Sana pala hindi na lang ako nagtanong. Baka hanggang ngayon puno pa ko ng pagasa na gigising pa sya. Parang biglang dumilim yung paligid ko. Parang gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong tumakbo palayo.
Gusto kong puntahan si Red. Para isumbat sa kanya lahat ng kasinungalingan nya. Lahat ng pangako nya na hindi pala nya tutuparin. Hindi ko alam kung lungkot yung nararamdaman ko o galit dahil sa nangyari. Sana pala hindi ko sya pinayagang umalis nung araw na yun. Hindi sana nangyari yun. Wala sana sya sa sitwasyon nya ngayon.
Hindi ko alam kung anong pwedeng gawin. Umiyak lang. Yun lang kaya kong gawin.
Naalala ko, nung huling gabing nagkausap tayo, sabi mo gigising ka para sa’kin. Sabi mo pa nga, hindi ka papayag na hindi mo ko mababalikan! Tapos ngayon? Anong nangyari? Nasan ka? Ang dami nating plano eh. Ang dami mong ipinangako sakin. Lahat pala yun, hindi mo na matutupad. Maghihintay pa rin ako. Alam ko hindi ka isusuko ng mami mo. Kaya maghihintay pa rin ako.
Mad! just this time!
February 2, 2011i got friends all over me,
but i just feel all alone.
GOD! I can’t even do anything to help myself,
I wanna forget you,
just this time, while you’re still far away,
while I still have to wait.
2 months of longing for you,
and now anger!
I’m angry. And I’m mad for letting myself feel this!
I hate myself every time I’ll try to erase you on my mind. I don’t wanna lose you. And it’s just so hard to wait all by myself!
When will you be back? I don’t wanna get tired of waiting!